Thats when I feel like a Mama..

I seriously feel more like a mom at really strange times than I do for the rest of the day.. Of course I realize I'm a mom every morning as soon as I wake up. If i wasn't a mom I'd sleep in much much later so when my kid is yelling "Mama I'm awake! Get up!!" I know I'm a mother.. but its random times that I look at my life and realize.. Wow you have kids, Jenn! lol

You'd think going through an entire pregnancy and then labor would make me realize I'm now a mother. But not me.. Makennah was six days old when that fact finally hit me. I was sitting in the doctors office all by myself holding this tiny person. Who is all content laying on my chest curled up tightly. And the song "Let them be Little" came on the radio. And thats when it hit me. My life would never be the same after that moment. So i set there crying like a baby till the doctor came in. She must have thought I was a nutcase!

Then theres the moments where I carry a sleeping two year old from the car and tuck her into bed. And all the way from the car to her bed I keep thinking "Wow, this is what real parents do" As if I was not a "real parent" the rest of the day.

Patrick and I took just Makennah to the grocery store with us the other day. She held my hand and then asked her daddy to hold her other hand. So the three of us walked into the store together with her in the middle. When I looked at him I got that butterfly feeling like.. Wow I can't believe this man loves me and we have this beautiful child together! And once again.. I felt like a real mama!

I don't know why moments as simple as carrying a sleeping child to bed would make me feel even more like a mom than I already do but I love those moments.

Here we go again...

So we told Patrick's family tonight so I'm pretty sure its safe to write this here. I don't think any of my family reads this or even knows its here! lol

Once again Patrick is being deployed. This time however its not a train wreck thats messing up our lives. At least this time we sorta "planned" it. This time I at least have some time to think it over.. and Guess what! I hate it!

Next time give me two weeks and then take him! that sounds evil it really does but its soo much easier. All this sitting around and waiting for things to get started is really bugging me. It feels like the summer they were training for Afghanistan all over again. You get to the point of wanting them to leave. Once the deployment is started it will end faster.. waiting for it to start makes the end even further away. Make sense? lol

Ever since Patrick and I became parents I've dreaded the day I'd have to explain to my children that their daddy is leaving for a deployment. Its been something I've cried over since Makennah was just a tiny baby. (I'm not a baby about this sort of stuff.. just once and awhile something will trigger the thought) And now that its happening I'm not sure I'm ready for it!