I just want to go back to bed and wake up to a fresh new today and for today to not have happened. The day in my house started out horrible and its my fault.
Patrick washed and dried his clothes before bed last night. This morning when he went to get them out he found a pen had exploded in the dryer!! All of his work clothes!!
I could have been nice and helped him figure out what to do but what did I do? I got mean :( So at 5:30 this morning our house was a war zone. With two sleeping babies in the other room :(
For the life of me I can't figure out why I was so hurtful. Instead of realizing it was just a mistake I let the idea of having to go buy more clothes drive me crazy. Instead of paying extra on one of our bills we would have to take the money for clothes. Instead of enjoying ourselves this weekend at the zoo and things like we'd have to spend the extra cash on clothes. we've set home doing nothing for so long that sitting at home for another weekend made me lose it!
I've been so stressed about money, stupid family drama, this entire town, and life in general that I just exploded and took it out on my poor husband :( I can't imagine how he felt driving to work today. Nobody should have to start their day like that!
On a good note.. I did get a lot of the clothes to come clean. He'll be happy about that but you can't take back hurtful words. Once you spew them out there its something that could hurt for a long time. Forgiven or not they can't be forgotten. It wouldn't be so bad but this is the second time in the last two weeks I've been like that :(
I hate myself right now...
Monday, August 27, 2007
I have a new love...
My new phone arrived today. All pretty and shiney! Its the one and only Strawberry Chocolate!!!
I will sadly miss my other phone but it was way past time to retire the poor dino!! RIP my friend :(
I will sadly miss my other phone but it was way past time to retire the poor dino!! RIP my friend :(
Saturday, August 11, 2007
The Train Wreck...
I've had a really relaxing day.. No kiddos for a few hours so I went shopping for a little bit. Then read a book at the book store (of course then I had to buy it since I didn't want to put it down lol) But now that I'm home in a quiet place I decided to write.. Not sure what about but hey I did start this to ramble!
Patrick was telling me a story of how one of his buddies told his wife about their deployment to Afghanistan. His wife thought something completely different was up and the whole thing turned out pretty funny to me. (Probably not so funny to her at the time, I'm sure she laughs now though) And it made me think back to our phone call or what I ended up calling that phone call.. "The Train Wreck"
Patrick and I had been in college and we were making plans to get married late in the summer (even though I had really wanted to get married April 24th) He was busy filling out applications to a job in Virgina. We figured might as well move while were young and enjoy it. We spent our money like crazy simply because we could. He had no clue how much money I made.. I had no clue how much money he made but we always shared in the spending for whoever had it! lol
One Monday we stayed home from school. He had a job interview. A summer job till hopefully he got the one in Virgina. After that guy offered him a job we went and looked at an apartment. One the guy said he'd hold for us for the last five weeks of school (Sweet!) Then we picked out wedding bands on the way back down to school. We got about half way there when his phone rang. It was a friend of his from his unit so I didn't think much of it till he pulled over in tears. Now we had joked several times while planning the wedding that we'd get it all worked out and he'd get deployed. I never imagined it'd really happen. So here we are on the side of a road and I'm dying to hear what his friend is telling him. I'm crying because I knew what was going on. Before he told me he made it to a gas station and that's where we made our phone calls. We first told them the good news. We'd be getting married in 12days so start planning a wedding. Then we had to explain why. For hours we set in our car either crying holding each other or crying on the phone to a family member or friend. Each one upset but ready to help us plan our wedding. After that car ride nothing has been the same for Patrick and I.
We got back down to school. Not willing to spend the night without each other we got a hotel room. Shortly before we fell asleep Patrick begged me not to cry anymore because it was killing him. That's when my first lesson as a future army wife was learned. I can't fall apart. Its to much of a distraction to him. I'm allowed moments but I should hold it together as much as I can for him. That's what I've done and will continue to do. The next day we set out on getting Patrick graduated from college.. three weeks early. The reason why things had to happen so quickly. They had to report to their armory 14 days after the phone call. That's right, just two weeks. Some notice!
Thankfully our college was great and Patrick was able to make up all the work he needed to to finish his degree. It took him three years to get a two year degree thanks to an earlier deployment so he wasn't about to give up. I helped him all I could. My grades slipped because I couldn't focus. I worked all the hours I could to get some money saved.
Back home our moms were busy getting a wedding around to happen on Saturday April 24th (The very original date we had picked out but had changed three times lol) When ever we got a chance we'd go buy the little details we wanted to pick out ourselves. The Saturday before I dragged my poor best friend home with me. She along with my cousins and our moms all went shopping with me to get what was needed. I say my poor friend because Angie had to put up with a lot from me for those two weeks. Looking back I wouldn't have wanted to live with me either. I'm high strung and stressed out on a normal day but give me two weeks to plan a wedding and say goodbye to my new husband.. I was probably a real bitch. But she was great and were still best friends!
Our wedding day came and went. It was all over so quickly. But it was beautiful. I couldn't have planned a better wedding if I was given more time. We all celebrated the wedding without a care in the world. I added a few touches to the wedding to let Patrick know we all supported him in his career but the wedding was truly just about us.
Sunday night I was drove back down to school by my mom and brother. I was lost and hardly went without a fight. Patrick stayed with his parents and reported for duty the next morning. Talk about a short honeymoon!
After that we spent one more weekend together and he was gone for six weeks. I wasn't aloud to see him. On his first 24 hour pass we got the greatest gift.. or should I say we created the greatest gift. Our first little girl was a result of the army finally letting my husband go for a night! hehe..
We never planned to have children so early on in our marriage. We always said we'd wait at least two or three years. But I can honestly say I wouldn't know what I would have done that year if it hadn't been for my little girl. While pregnant I told myself I had to stay strong. Stress on a baby is not good. So I kept myself as healthy and strong as I possibly could. After she was born I told myself that a newborn needs a strong parent. No falling apart because she needed me. Makennah saved me from myself. I'm forever thankful that I had her as my distraction for the year.
Patrick was telling me a story of how one of his buddies told his wife about their deployment to Afghanistan. His wife thought something completely different was up and the whole thing turned out pretty funny to me. (Probably not so funny to her at the time, I'm sure she laughs now though) And it made me think back to our phone call or what I ended up calling that phone call.. "The Train Wreck"
Patrick and I had been in college and we were making plans to get married late in the summer (even though I had really wanted to get married April 24th) He was busy filling out applications to a job in Virgina. We figured might as well move while were young and enjoy it. We spent our money like crazy simply because we could. He had no clue how much money I made.. I had no clue how much money he made but we always shared in the spending for whoever had it! lol
One Monday we stayed home from school. He had a job interview. A summer job till hopefully he got the one in Virgina. After that guy offered him a job we went and looked at an apartment. One the guy said he'd hold for us for the last five weeks of school (Sweet!) Then we picked out wedding bands on the way back down to school. We got about half way there when his phone rang. It was a friend of his from his unit so I didn't think much of it till he pulled over in tears. Now we had joked several times while planning the wedding that we'd get it all worked out and he'd get deployed. I never imagined it'd really happen. So here we are on the side of a road and I'm dying to hear what his friend is telling him. I'm crying because I knew what was going on. Before he told me he made it to a gas station and that's where we made our phone calls. We first told them the good news. We'd be getting married in 12days so start planning a wedding. Then we had to explain why. For hours we set in our car either crying holding each other or crying on the phone to a family member or friend. Each one upset but ready to help us plan our wedding. After that car ride nothing has been the same for Patrick and I.
We got back down to school. Not willing to spend the night without each other we got a hotel room. Shortly before we fell asleep Patrick begged me not to cry anymore because it was killing him. That's when my first lesson as a future army wife was learned. I can't fall apart. Its to much of a distraction to him. I'm allowed moments but I should hold it together as much as I can for him. That's what I've done and will continue to do. The next day we set out on getting Patrick graduated from college.. three weeks early. The reason why things had to happen so quickly. They had to report to their armory 14 days after the phone call. That's right, just two weeks. Some notice!
Thankfully our college was great and Patrick was able to make up all the work he needed to to finish his degree. It took him three years to get a two year degree thanks to an earlier deployment so he wasn't about to give up. I helped him all I could. My grades slipped because I couldn't focus. I worked all the hours I could to get some money saved.
Back home our moms were busy getting a wedding around to happen on Saturday April 24th (The very original date we had picked out but had changed three times lol) When ever we got a chance we'd go buy the little details we wanted to pick out ourselves. The Saturday before I dragged my poor best friend home with me. She along with my cousins and our moms all went shopping with me to get what was needed. I say my poor friend because Angie had to put up with a lot from me for those two weeks. Looking back I wouldn't have wanted to live with me either. I'm high strung and stressed out on a normal day but give me two weeks to plan a wedding and say goodbye to my new husband.. I was probably a real bitch. But she was great and were still best friends!
Our wedding day came and went. It was all over so quickly. But it was beautiful. I couldn't have planned a better wedding if I was given more time. We all celebrated the wedding without a care in the world. I added a few touches to the wedding to let Patrick know we all supported him in his career but the wedding was truly just about us.
Sunday night I was drove back down to school by my mom and brother. I was lost and hardly went without a fight. Patrick stayed with his parents and reported for duty the next morning. Talk about a short honeymoon!
After that we spent one more weekend together and he was gone for six weeks. I wasn't aloud to see him. On his first 24 hour pass we got the greatest gift.. or should I say we created the greatest gift. Our first little girl was a result of the army finally letting my husband go for a night! hehe..
We never planned to have children so early on in our marriage. We always said we'd wait at least two or three years. But I can honestly say I wouldn't know what I would have done that year if it hadn't been for my little girl. While pregnant I told myself I had to stay strong. Stress on a baby is not good. So I kept myself as healthy and strong as I possibly could. After she was born I told myself that a newborn needs a strong parent. No falling apart because she needed me. Makennah saved me from myself. I'm forever thankful that I had her as my distraction for the year.
Song!
You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless, like you’ve lost your fight
But you’ll be alright, you’ll be alright
‘Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you’re made of
You might bend ‘til you break
‘Cause it’s all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand
Life’s like a novel with the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon with only one way down
Take what you’re given before it’s gone
And start holdin’ on, keep holdin’ on
‘Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you’re made of
You might bend ‘til you break
‘Cause it’s all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand
Every time you get up and get back in the race
One more small piece of you starts to fall into place – yeah
Rascal Flats!
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless, like you’ve lost your fight
But you’ll be alright, you’ll be alright
‘Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you’re made of
You might bend ‘til you break
‘Cause it’s all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand
Life’s like a novel with the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon with only one way down
Take what you’re given before it’s gone
And start holdin’ on, keep holdin’ on
‘Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you’re made of
You might bend ‘til you break
‘Cause it’s all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand
Every time you get up and get back in the race
One more small piece of you starts to fall into place – yeah
Rascal Flats!
Thursday, August 9, 2007
How do you explain?
So my husband is gone for his Annual Training with the Army. Two weeks. Doesn't seem like much but it has always killed me when he leaves. I hardly eat, hardly sleep, I get bored and whine... Then as quickly as he left he was home. Back to normal.
Now its not only hard on me but its harder on my kids. The baby doesn't understand of course but when you have a two year old.. How do you explain that daddy can't come home? Daddy didn't want to leave her but its his job. When shes laying in bed after prayers and she says in her tiny voice "Daddy come home please?" What do you say?
We started a little calendar that we check off each day that hes gone before bed. We then count the days till he gets to come home. But how do you explain 11 days? Shes learning what two minutes means thanks to time out but 11 days is hard for a child.
Also how do you explain what his job really is? She sees guys in uniform on the TV and gets excited that "Daddy" is on the TV... She sees me talking to a soldier in uniform and runs up thinking its daddy only to be freaked out when he looks down and its not him LOL (Yes I know I should not laugh at my kid, but it was cute when it happened.) So past the uniform.. how do you explain it? His civilian job is easy.. but the army? Not so much!
We ask God to keep our troops safe each night at the end of our prayers. I tell both girls that daddy's job is amazing. That its something were all proud of. Daddy is away because he is training to help other people. We look at pictures of daddy and talk about him all the time. We color him pictures and make him cards.
Deep down I know its only two weeks. Two weeks is nothing compared to the time we've been apart. Till AT starts we typically joke its our "vacation" from each other. But my kids don't want/need a vacation from their daddy.. and I question if I'm doing enough for them?!
Would I change our military lifestyle? Never! Patrick is an amazing soldier. The US Army is lucky to have him (hehe.. at least I think so) and it needs more men like him. Being a soldier is who he is. He wouldn't be the same without it. I am proud being an Army wife (Kudos to the wives who do it full time).. As an outsider I can see why you think I'm crazy. Outside of being an amazing father nothing makes me prouder of my husband than his military career. I some day hope that my girls feel the same way..
Now its not only hard on me but its harder on my kids. The baby doesn't understand of course but when you have a two year old.. How do you explain that daddy can't come home? Daddy didn't want to leave her but its his job. When shes laying in bed after prayers and she says in her tiny voice "Daddy come home please?" What do you say?
We started a little calendar that we check off each day that hes gone before bed. We then count the days till he gets to come home. But how do you explain 11 days? Shes learning what two minutes means thanks to time out but 11 days is hard for a child.
Also how do you explain what his job really is? She sees guys in uniform on the TV and gets excited that "Daddy" is on the TV... She sees me talking to a soldier in uniform and runs up thinking its daddy only to be freaked out when he looks down and its not him LOL (Yes I know I should not laugh at my kid, but it was cute when it happened.) So past the uniform.. how do you explain it? His civilian job is easy.. but the army? Not so much!
We ask God to keep our troops safe each night at the end of our prayers. I tell both girls that daddy's job is amazing. That its something were all proud of. Daddy is away because he is training to help other people. We look at pictures of daddy and talk about him all the time. We color him pictures and make him cards.
Deep down I know its only two weeks. Two weeks is nothing compared to the time we've been apart. Till AT starts we typically joke its our "vacation" from each other. But my kids don't want/need a vacation from their daddy.. and I question if I'm doing enough for them?!
Would I change our military lifestyle? Never! Patrick is an amazing soldier. The US Army is lucky to have him (hehe.. at least I think so) and it needs more men like him. Being a soldier is who he is. He wouldn't be the same without it. I am proud being an Army wife (Kudos to the wives who do it full time).. As an outsider I can see why you think I'm crazy. Outside of being an amazing father nothing makes me prouder of my husband than his military career. I some day hope that my girls feel the same way..
Friday, August 3, 2007
Come Waste Your Time With Me...
I have two sleeping kiddos. So I find myself wondering what I should do with my time? Vacuum the living room since I've put it off all morning? Nah. Wash Patrick's uniform? Probably not. (It would be the very first time in our five years together that I'd even touch his uniforms to clean them. Hes always said that's his job. Fine by me. But this week has been extra busy for him. Working, studying for his spur ride, extra PT.. so I thought I'd be nice) I could put the girl's clothes away.. It would be get done quicker than having a two year old helping when she wakes up! But as you can see.. none of that's going to get done. I'm sitting on the computer wasting some time.
Five years! Patrick and I have been together five years. Nobody thought we'd ever date let alone date for a year, be engaged for a year, and married for three years. With two children. He can still walk into a room and I ask myself how I got so lucky. What is it that I did to deserve him in my life? The other day in the car a Garth Brooks song came on the radio. And we found ourselves laughing like we did on the way down to school. Those late night drives we both hated so to keep ourselves awake we would sing Garth Brooks as loud as we could. Good times. But after he turned the radio way down.. and I knew something was up. Its his way of saying "Its time to talk" or "I've got something important to say" We had a big heart to heart about our near future and all the things that are about to take place. It felt good to get some things out in the open and to really realize that were going to make it through it all. i sometimes miss the days where it was just him and I. The days where we could have the music as loud as we wanted or talk as long as we wanted without a two year old in the back seat yelling at us to pay attention to her. We need more date nights... More us time.
My little girl had her first program last night. It was amazingly cute! This was her first year of VBS. (She got lucky.. she got to sneak in with the 3 and 4 year olds since she was potty trained) And I couldn't help but think she was the most amazing child in the whole room. Watching her clap, dance, and jump around with the other kids made her look so much older. I thought she was the cutest one up there and could hardly take my eyes off of her to watch the other kids. I know I know most parents think that about their kids. I'm sure the other moms thought their kid was the cutest of them all.. but I know the truth. It was my kid :) lol
Five years! Patrick and I have been together five years. Nobody thought we'd ever date let alone date for a year, be engaged for a year, and married for three years. With two children. He can still walk into a room and I ask myself how I got so lucky. What is it that I did to deserve him in my life? The other day in the car a Garth Brooks song came on the radio. And we found ourselves laughing like we did on the way down to school. Those late night drives we both hated so to keep ourselves awake we would sing Garth Brooks as loud as we could. Good times. But after he turned the radio way down.. and I knew something was up. Its his way of saying "Its time to talk" or "I've got something important to say" We had a big heart to heart about our near future and all the things that are about to take place. It felt good to get some things out in the open and to really realize that were going to make it through it all. i sometimes miss the days where it was just him and I. The days where we could have the music as loud as we wanted or talk as long as we wanted without a two year old in the back seat yelling at us to pay attention to her. We need more date nights... More us time.
My little girl had her first program last night. It was amazingly cute! This was her first year of VBS. (She got lucky.. she got to sneak in with the 3 and 4 year olds since she was potty trained) And I couldn't help but think she was the most amazing child in the whole room. Watching her clap, dance, and jump around with the other kids made her look so much older. I thought she was the cutest one up there and could hardly take my eyes off of her to watch the other kids. I know I know most parents think that about their kids. I'm sure the other moms thought their kid was the cutest of them all.. but I know the truth. It was my kid :) lol
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